Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
