if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
