They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
