she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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