just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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