This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
