i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
