We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
