just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
