totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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