Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
