we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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