I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
