You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
