I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
