Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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