It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
