Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
