Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
