Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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