if i can run in heels then i can drive
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
