imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
