the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
