Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
