Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Let's get the cat blown out
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
