Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
