dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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