can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Randomize
