Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
