Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
