I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I've blown a few things in my day
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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