oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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