I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
