do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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