Tell her she can't have a vagina
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
