My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Bring me that man meat
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
