what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Everything about him screamed your future.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
