The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
