I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize