she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
