When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
