Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
