Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize