sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Congratulations! We have a period
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
