I queefed so loud it echoed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
