I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
