Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude i'm inner monologue high
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
