Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
