dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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