last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
