yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
