I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
