I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
