i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
