So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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