Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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