u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
