I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
