Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
