i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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