But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
