hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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