Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
