I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
