I wanna bring you to show and tell
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
