Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
