you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
