I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
