I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
