I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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