my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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