Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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