Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
