Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
