Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
