Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
