grandma shit on top of the toilet
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I pour the whiskey from now on
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
