Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
