If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
