Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
