As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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