I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
