Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
