The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
