Your face is a jimmy john
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
