Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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