you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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