i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
